Looking for a good book or two?

Depending on your reading tastes, I probably have a few good books for you. They are by my favorite author, Hadena James. She has several great series, and I am sure that you will find at least one (or more), that would interest you. Her latest book is Summoning Trouble, The Nephilim Narratives Book 5. I love this series! It has humor, occasional suspense, and a great storyline! Without giving anything away (no spoilers today), it’s about an angel exorcist who is working with her uncle becoming a detective. This story has angels, demons, and witches among other supernaturals, including humans too. This may sound like a scary or horror book, but I can assure you it isn’t! I often laugh out loud while reading this series, and my family look at me like I’m crazy. I’m certainly not crazy, I can just picture what is written, and I hear it in my head. I’m like that with all good books. If you are curious, please check this series out here on Amazon, and the first book in the series (Natural Born Exorcist) is free: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07GX21GHK/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_awdo_G80MREFQVNTN3KXWP3HQ.

You will be glad you did!! Stay tuned for more books you didn’t know you needed to read!! #booklover #ilovetoread #solielandjerome #hadenaseries

Hopefully leaving the hospital…

Background: My 29 year old daughter (who is my youngest) called me on Friday afternoon/evening crying in extreme pain and having extreme vomiting to go along with it. I was out at the time, and told her I would call her when I got home (I was less than 5 minutes away). My son and I thought it was serious so I called her and told her that I was taking her to the ER and be ready. I ended up taking her to Soin Medical Center. After doing labs and a CT, the dr informed us (also showing the CT imaging) that she had a 25cm mass in her pelvic region. After 2 ultrasounds and moving her to a holding room in the ER, an ob/gyn dr (who is amazing, btw), stated she thought it was a cyst and needed to come out. By this time we had spent the night and it was early Saturday. They managed to schedule surgery (hopefully laparoscopic, with one larger incision to remove all tissue) with a few hours. Surgery was a success, they removed the cyst which was twisted in several places that contained over 5 liters of fluid, along with her left ovary and Fallopian tube which it was attached to.

The dr said that the remaining parts, right ovary, Fallopian tube, and uterus are all good and she shouldn’t have any problems. She’s also able to get pregnant if she so chooses. So that’s a good thing. The dr also thanked ME for bringing her in when I did, she said it could have been life threatening.

Which brings us to now. The hospitalist said as long as the ob/gyn dr says it’s okay, we can bust out of here!! So now we’re waiting for her or a colleague to come visit so we can go to my house! She is getting up and moving around even with pain and the pain meds help keep it down.

She gets to break out of here!! Follow up in 2 weeks! Yay!!! Waiting for discharge instructions!

Errands…

Today is just a regular day, with the exception of going and picking up my Mother’s Day present that I got for myself, some new hair color stuff, and of course, a stop at one of my favorite places…Bath & Body Works!! I have an addiction to their hand sanitizers. I always end up with at least 5 every time I go, and I also have the app and shop from there. Today I got 2 watermelon lemonade, a good vibes only, a eucalyptus + spearmint, and a cucumber melon. I also got a cat holder for them that I attached to my purse. I also stopped and got me a chocolate milkshake. It’s something that I don’t do very often, but I love Frisch’s…their Big Boy, fries, chocolate shakes, and especially their hot fudge cake! But I was good today and only got the chocolate shake. Hahaha!

My Hiatus is Over

After a long break, my hiatus is officially over. During this time, my husband passed in mid February of 2021, and I had a severe heart attack in late May. Taking time to grieve and recover my health was necessary, also working on getting back to the person that is me. Getting back to “me” is an ongoing process, and will most likely take some time. However, the outspoken, don’t ask me if you don’t really want to know person is pretty much back. So, keeping that in mind, be on the lookout for some interesting/possibly disturbing/possibly offensive posts of things/issues that are and have been on my mind along with life journey and books!

Sorry for my absence, but it is still 2020…

Among this pandemic, my husband’s health has declined, (he spent almost the entire month of July in the hospital) and it seems like something new keeps on happening with him every time we turn around. I’ve been so busy taking care of him and my stress level is off the charts! Also, because of that, my pain levels have gone through the roof.

But, it is 2020, and seeing how this year got off to a start with this pandemic, nothing else surprises me anymore. Anyhow, I still get to read.

The next few posts will be some book reviews. First off will feature my all-time favorite author, Hadena James. If you haven’t read anything by her, check out my reviews. I pretty much guarantee that you will like something she has written .

Until tomorrow….

Travel and CRPS

Most people take a look at you and assumes that there isn’t anything wrong. This week, my best aunt on my mom’s side (one of her sisters) passed away unexpectedly. Scrambling for money for gas, hurriedly packing, and finally getting on the road. It’s roughly a 5-6 1/2 hour drive to my parents house. And my son’s van cruise control isn’t working. I knew it wasn’t going to be pretty, but it got downright ugly.

About an hour into the drive, BOTH of my ankles felt like someone had set them on fire. It was excruciating, but I hid it well from my son and soldiered on. Then somewhere around hour 2-2 1/2 ish, both ankles and feet went numb. I kept it hid and kept on soldiering on. Around hour 4ish, my low back and left hip pain that went all down my leg, and felt like someone had beaten me with a baseball bat. I still kept it hid, and kept right on going.

We stopped so I could go to the bathroom about 4 1/2 ish hours into the drive. I hurt so bad and didn’t think I was going to make it. But I managed. We stopped again for food when we were roughly an hour out. Once again, I was hoping for something that would help. No luck.

Once we were here, I knew that I wouldn’t have to drive again until my son and I went home. That’s tomorrow afternoon sometime. I’ve been hobbling around, at my parents, the church, and back at my parents. It was so bad tonight that my mom kept checking on me when she should have been in bed. I still hurt tremendously, but know that I have to drive us home tomorrow. Hopefully I can do it. Wish me luck!

You’re in pain?

I’ve been asked that too many times. If I had a nickel for each, I would be rich. YES, I’m in pain. YES, it’s constant and never goes away, only the level of pain changes. It ranges from “I can do this” to “someone shoot me and end this”.

Well you don’t look, act, or say that you’re in pain. Gee, no one wants that as an answer for how I am every time they ask, for one. For two, I’m not about pity, so I just suck it up and do what I have to, then cry later in private. And three, how is someone with chronic pain issues supposed to look?

But I’m so very tired. Trying to fight the opioid crisis when you’re like me and need them is difficult. You (physician) don’t even understand my condition and yet you are in control of trying to do so….

Chronic pain and the Opioid Crap

Not everyone will understand this rant, but those of you with chronic pain issues will. Thanks to the CDC and some government scientific studies, those of us who depend upon opioids to function will soon not be able to.

At my VA appointment this morning I was told that they wanted to get me off of my Vicodin because I had been on it over a year, and that is as long as I should be on it. He plans on taking me completely off of it, just leaving me with my spinal cord stimulator. Now if I have problems with my stimulator I have no idea what to do. They won’t refer me back to pain management because my dosage of Vicodin is so low. I’m literally falling apart, crying in pain, and getting nowhere fast.

Maybe that’s what they want, for all of us to suffer. I asked if that’s what was going to happen, and he says that no, he’s trying to help because it’s proven that they don’t work past one year. I’m on several different medications that are supposed to help with the pain that aren’t an opioid. I have CRPS in one ankle, I believe it’s spread to the other ankle, hip issues, wrist issues, knee issues, shoulder issues, back issues, and neck issues. I don’t have fibromyalgia.

Basically the way this is going now, I’m going to end up in a flipping wheelchair because standing and walking are too painful. My quality of life is going to be a 0 or maybe a 1. So, heads up, you could be next. Rant over.

Why…

Why are some people just…stupid, for lack of a better word. I mean seriously. You don’t call or see someone for more than, oh let’s be generous, 2 weeks out of the year. And suddenly, after more than 10 prior surgeries, this PARENT, and yes, I said parent, has their kids show up after they’ve had a stroke acting all concerned and like they want to take over. These kids weren’t concerned during anything else, and that included a pacemaker/defibrillator surgery. So, it makes you go hmmmmm. Oh well, I guess. Just makes you wonder what these people are thinking, if they’re thinking at all.

Hi, I’m CRPS/RSD

A friend found this, and shared it with those of us who have chronic pain issues. To clarify again, this is what I have, and hopefully it helps you to understand.

“Hi my name is Complex Regional Pain Syndrome… some friends who have known me for a very long time call me RSD or CRPS…… I’m an invisible inflammatory disease that attacks your sympathetic nervous system.

I am now velcroed to you for life. If you have CRPS you hope for remission but there is no cure.

I’m so sneaky–I don’t show up in your blood work, in x-rays, MRI’s can’t detect me, basically there is no test to prove you have me. There are only test to rule out other things.

Others around you can’t see me or hear me, but YOUR body feels me.

I can attack you anywhere and anyway I please. And, I will. Constantly.

I can cause severe pain or, if I’m in a good mood, I can just cause you to ache all over.

Remember when you and energy ran around together and had fun?

I took energy from you, and gave you exhaustion. Try to have fun now.

I can take good sleep from you and in its place, give you brain fog and lack of concentration.

I can make you want to sleep 24/7, and I can also cause insomnia.

I can make you tremble internally or make you feel cold or hot when everyone else feels normal.

I can cause one limb to change color, look bruised, feel super sensitive randomly for seemingly no reason.

I can also give you swollen hands and feet, swollen face and eyelids, swollen everything.

OH, and just because I started off in one part of your body, don’t think I can’t travel and effect other limbs or any other part of your body I so choose to torment. I can, and likely I will.

I can make you feel very anxious with panic attacks or very depressed. I can also cause other mental health problems. You know crazy mood swings? That’s me. Crying for no reason? Angry for no reason? That’s probably me too. It is hard to not feel hopeless when you have me beating your body up constantly.

I can make you scream out loud, anytime of day or night, anywhere you are because I can create pain that makes you sure someone just stabbed you with a knife. Making you look crazy is fun for me.

I can make your hair fall out, your nails become dry and brittle, cause acne, cause dry skin, the sky’s the limit with me.

I can make you gain weight and no matter what you eat or how much you exercise, I can keep that weight on you. I can also make you lose weight. I don’t discriminate.

Some of my other inflammatory disease friends often join me, giving you even more to deal with.

If you have something planned, or are looking forward to a great day, I can take that away from you. You didn’t ask for me. I chose you for various reasons: That sports injury, needle stick,, or that car accident, or maybe it was the surgery to correct a bone problem.. Whatever the cause, I’m here to stay.

I hear you’re going to see a doctor to try and get rid of me. That makes me laugh. Just try. You will have to go to many, many doctors until you find one who can even try to help you effectively. Most of them will make you feel like you are to blame, or worse, it is all in your head. I’ll convince them that you are crazy because normal people know that you can’t have all those symptoms all over your body and still walk around looking normal.

You will be put on the wrong medication for you, pain pills, sleeping pills, energy pills, told you are suffering from anxiety or depression, given anti-anxiety pills and antidepressants.

There are so many other ways I can make you sick and miserable, the list is endless – If your body is all of a sudden dealing with things that were never issues before…yep…. that’s probably me.

Shortness of breath or “air hunger?” Yep, probably me.

Bone density problems?

Can’t regulate body temp and poor circulation?

Constant ‘electric jolts’? Yep, probably me.

I told you the list was endless.

You may be given a TENs unit, get massaged, told if you just sleep and exercise properly I will go away.

You’ll be told to think positively, you’ll be poked, prodded, and MOST OF ALL, not taken seriously when you try to explain to the endless number of doctors you’ve seen, just how debilitating I am and how ill and exhausted you really feel. In all probability you will get a referral from these ‘understanding’ (clueless) doctors, to see a psychiatrist.

I will make you question your own sanity at times. I will make you contemplate unthinkable scenarios.

Your family, friends and co-workers will all listen to you until they just get tired of hearing about how I make you feel, and just how debilitating I can be.

Even after explaining to those you interact with regularly that I’m the most painful disease known to man, and there is no cure, they will say things like “I hope you have a speedy recovery”. Those who don’t know me well have no idea how cruel and unusual my punishment can be.

Some of them will say things like “Oh, you are just having a bad day” or “Well, remember, you can’t do the things you use to do 20 YEARS ago”, not hearing that you said 20 DAYS ago.

They’ll also say things like, “if you just get up and move, get outside and do things, you’ll feel better.” They won’t understand that I take away the ‘gas’ that powers your body and mind to ENABLE you to do those things.

Some will start talking behind your back, they’ll call you a hypochondriac, while you slowly feel that you are losing your dignity trying to make them understand, especially if you are in the middle of a conversation with a “normal” person, and can’t remember what you were going to say next. You’ll be told things like, “Oh, my sister had that, and she’s fine on her medication” when you desperately want to explain that I don’t impose myself upon everyone in the exact same way, and just because that sister is fine on the medication SHE’S taking, doesn’t mean it will work for you.

They will not understand that having this disease impacts your body from the top of your head to the tip of your toes, and that every cell and every body system and organ can be effected.

The only place you will get the kind of support and understanding in dealing with me is with other people that have me. They are really the only ones who can truly understand.”

AUTHOR UNKNOWN